WHY?

 It comes in waves you know, first the happiness of getting to know you, then the times that we were actually there for each other laughing at those worst times and then the unbearable part where it was all over. The part where I drown in the waves. You ended it. Telling this makes it less hurtful not because blaming feels good. Just because it's the truth.

How could you? How could you just stop all the ties in the blink of an eye? Was our relationship so unworthy? So little? Oh yes, I completely agree that things went wrong. Very very wrong than it should have actually been. I did not let you keep those problems with you even when you thought that there is absolutely no use in sharing just because I couldn't help. I can count the times I have repeatedly got you to share them either by force or threatening or even in a friendly way. Whatever I did, I have always done it not because I had to, it was because I wanted to. 

You were my friend. My little brother. That stings. Using past tense stings because you murdered the relationship. A relationship that I never wanted to let go of BECAUSE YOU WERE MY FRIEND. Not because you were family. Screw Family! When I called you my little brother, I meant it. More than you can imagine. Still, you chose to leave. Without a word. Without an explanation.

There are nights when all the memories come flooding into my mind for no reason. The sheer mention of your name makes me go numb. At first, I was sad, then unhappy which turned into frustration. Now I feel nothing. Nothing at all and it's the emptiness that kills. 

I don't know if it bothers you at all. Life just goes on for you, right? I wish it was that easy for me. It's been six months. Six months that you last spoke to me. It's the unspoken words that hang in the air which breaks every inch of my soul. So why am I writing to you after all these months? I have no answer. But I have a lot of questions that I know will never be answered. No, don't come back. Let things not go back to the way it was. At least give me closure. Will you?

Why??? Why did you leave? Why did you choose not to even explain or give a hint that you no longer wanted to play your part? When did you become so heartless? 

I know I will never get closure. I can already visualize how this message will end up showing those little ticks and remain unanswered. I have never had a heartbreak when I fell in love. I have never had heartbreaks in friendship until NOW.  The irony is, when my friends went through heartbreaks, I hardly knew what to tell them. I don't know what to tell them, even now. But I certainly do know how it feels. Thank you, for making me understand what heartbreak is.

I have always believed in a masterplan and that every person I meet in my life is for a reason. I was so stupid to have been blind to the fact that not everyone will stay. You were sent to my life to teach me what heartbreak is. Sure, I am learning what it is. But an explanation would have been great too. You have been a bad teacher.

Maybe one day, when all the dust settles and you really reflect on your life, you will understand what I have been trying to say. Firstly I have never been good at conveying my emotions and secondly, you have never been good at understanding emotions. It's going to be hard. 

Well. that's it! You left. Subtly indicating that it's all over. Damn that! I want to talk about it. I want to scream. I want to cry. But all I can do is carefully bury you inside my head because that's as much as I can do before tears threaten to spill out of my eyes. Not all that is buried is dead. 

I know I have to let go of this for my inner peace. I will not lie. I am really trying. Wow! The process of having your heart broken is really exhausting. But there is this silly little ray of hope that someday the impossible might happen.

Why? Why did you do this?